Authority vs. Authenticity

How to Be Authoritative and Still Authentically You.

A common phrase I hear from people who have come to me from the corporate world is: “How can I be more authoritative but still me?” 

Taking command doesn’t mean losing your personality (and that goes for the introverts out there, too). You can be authentically yourself but still take charge. It’s not about who you are… It's about how you present yourself. 

Perhaps you lead a team and have to call the shots? Are you the person who makes the final decision? Do you have to justify choices made at work? All of these things require authority, control, and calm. Many people associate authority with being the loudest person in the room, when in fact, it’s quite the opposite. Sometimes less is more. Let’s look at why...

Something I’ve discovered through role-play scenarios with my students is that many will retract ever so slightly, vocally, physically, and expressively. When I ask them why, the answer is usually, “I want people to like me". Believe me, beating around the bush and focusing on people-pleasing is a sure-fire way to lose respect and a sense of control. People are more likely to take advantage of this uncertainty and push back on things when you are as firm as an unbaked cheesecake. 

However, being firm doesn’t mean going Jekyll and Hyde on everyone. You can be perfectly pleasant and likeable and still stand your ground. People will respect you more when you lead with integrity and stick to your guns. 

Some of my students turn on a “no-more-mr/mrs-nice-guy” face during our authority role-play scenarios. This often comes across as harsh and unforgiving. You can soften your face and still be taken seriously. There are other ways to show you mean business without being cold. Softening the face and jaw and releasing some tension, can have a knock-on effect and help relax your voice, thus reducing constriction. If you feel relaxed delivering instructions, decisions, and directions, then the chances are that the rest will also feel relaxed. 

Also, language is important. When people are nervous, they tend to ramble and add fillers. Authority is a quiet-calm. State your point and sit in the still silence. No more “so, uh, yeah.. that’s that. Eh, that’s what we will do” after a point. Land it. Say less. 

I had one student who was in a senior role and had to provide necessary constructive feedback to her colleague’s presentation before it went out for review. She had to make changes and ensure they were implemented. Let’s say non-negotiables.

This is what she asked: 

“Don’t you think it would be a good idea to do xyz, etc… What do you think?” - this opened the floor for the colleague to disagree entirely and push back on her every word. By tweaking her language from a less “people-pleasing” approach to a more definitive, decisive one, she immediately altered her status to the leader. 

She switched it up with: “This was great, but from where I stand, we need to do xyz because xyz.” - when push back happened, she stood her ground and responded with “I understand, but this is the direction we are taking.” - no more push back.  

It’s important to remember who is in charge and worry less about being liked. In work, you need to make some tough calls, and this doesn’t mean you are automatically a d*ck. It just means that you have made that call and you’re sticking to it. 

Put it this way: if you want chocolate cake, and you’ve decided that you absolutely want chocolate cake, are you going to use half-committing language and open up the floor to lemon drizzle, carrot, and red velvet push back because you’re afraid to not be liked? You’re going to say: HELL NO. It’s chocolate cake, and that’s final. Otherwise, you’re going to try and please the rest and go for fruit cake(!), which is always a disappointment. Stick with your decisions and avoid disappointment.Everyone will still like you whatever cake you bring. Stress less, say less, eat some cake. If this anaology makes sense, you’ve it.